Kort Explores conundrums of the human condition

In yet another futile attempt to define, codify, and constrain common sense within the limitations of legal verbiage, the West Virginia legislature has instead provided yet another example of how easily seemingly good ideas can go wrong.

Explained as a cost saving measure, a new law in West Virginia makes it legal to take home and eat roadkill as long as the fatality is reported within 12 hours. According to the official line, the state expects to save money because road crews won't be needed to remove the results when wildlife interact with petroleum powered killing machines. And once the unfortunate event has happened, on the surface it seems simple efficiency to not let the animal go completely to waste.

As with most well intentioned legislation, this new law creates a wide variety of issues and opportunities for abuse. Take for example the question of intent. In the past, while it is admittedly attributing a greater degree of humanity than is justified to the basic natures of some car drivers, it could be assumed that at least most roadkills were accidental since no material advantage accrued to the driver, and there was at least the potential for adverse effects - especially in encounters with skunks. Under the old rules, it was assumed that most drivers at least attempted to avoid hitting animals. Under the new law it becomes potentially advantageous for certain types of drivers to be even less careful piloting their rolling wrecks down the road.

This new attempt to encase a common sense idea within the limitations of law also creates whole new categories of complications and contradictions. For example, most of the animals that get run over on the roads are subject to restricted hunting seasons when the weapon employed doesn't have wheels. Hunting out of season used to be considered poaching. Now that it's legal to take out of season game with a car but not a rifle, the law appears to have also created a most lucrative potential for discrimination lawsuits.

Another question that arises is just how far off the road can the animal be and still be considered roadkill? Is a possum on the shoulder still fair game or does it have to be on the pavement? What if it was just touching the pavement but was mostly on the shoulder? What about in the ditch along the side?

What about gravel roads where there isn't any difference between the road and the shoulders? What about dirt roads where the surface material is nominally the same for hundreds of yards in any direction?

The popularity of off-road sports vehicles already bodes ill for the wildlife of West Virginia, and this new law may increase their popularity even further. We'll have to see if the new law doesn't also create a whole new industry in replacing stock bumpers with various devices to collect and retain whatever unfortunately animal gets in the way - or can't get out of the way fast enough.

Not all roadkill are wildlife. Family pets too often fall victim to man's asphalt death zones. What if the unfortunate roadkill happens to be a neighbor's pet - does the driver still get to keep the meat, or does it revert back to the owner? Does it now become legal to solve the annoyance of an irresponsible neighbor's barking dog with your car as long as you serve the results for dinner? Do you have to invite the dog's former owners? Do you have to tell them what they're eating?

In rural areas livestock sometimes get loose and hit by cars on the road. While some people might turn their noses up at the thought of grilled well aged squashed possum or crushed crow, most people are willing to eat roast beef without any thought as to how the bolvine met its fate. A dead cow represents a significant financial asset - both as a loss to the farmer and as potential steaks in the freezer. The new law would appear to make it substantially more cost effective to go shopping with a car than with a checkbook.

Cattle rustling has been a problem for centuries, and this new law would appear to further complicate the issue. Just how near the road does a cow need to be to change rustling into roadkill? What if you "accidentally" hit a cow that is still in the pasture? What if the cow just happened to wander onto the road through a fresh break in the fence? What if you just happen to have a pair of wire cutters in your car?

Up to now we've been considering four legged roadkill. There are a number of two legged potential candidates for roadkill native to West Virginia that are generally considered acceptable human food sources. According to some rumors there are also unique experiments in human evolution taking place deep in the mountains creating offspring that might cause some to question if they are still of the same species. Just how close to human can a roadkill be and still be legal for dinner? These questions never came up before this new law, but will now undoubtedly provide fertile grounds for legal fees and an irresistible incentive to pass more laws and regulations to address the questions created by the original good idea gone wrong.

This new law illustrates just how difficult it is to turn basic common sense into laws and regulations. What at first appears a simple idea rapidly turns into a quagmire of complications and contradictions when you attempt to squeeze it into the limitations of legal language. The same can be said of the social contract itself. Most people have some idea of how to get along with others, and for the most part embody the principles of peaceful mutual respect for lives and property that make up the core of the social contract. But when we attempt to define these simple concepts within the laws of the land, instead of enshrining brilliant truths and protecting our precious liberty and personal freedoms, we end up strangling those truths with constrains, contradictions, and compromises.

It has long been well known but ignored folk wisdom that you can't legislate morality, that common sense is exactly that, and that nothing can screw up a good idea faster than getting lawyers involved. There are already over 5 million federal laws on the books - each one allegedly passed to solve a problem, each one creating in turn yet more problems that needed to be solved with yet more laws. Laws almost always cause more problems than they solve, and should only be used when no other alternative exists.

Legal solutions almost always carry a higher cost than the problem they are intended to address. The best solution to many problems is to just leave them alone. Sometimes you just have to let people figure out the right thing to do on their own.